


Cacoethes

by orphan_account



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Humor, Blood and Gore, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Drug Addiction, Friends With Benefits, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Sexual Content, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Smoking, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:28:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26459485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: cacoethes: an irresistible urge to do something inadvisableIn which Kurapika is a ticking time bomb and Leorio would do anything to stop it from going off.
Relationships: Hisoka & Kurapika (Hunter X Hunter), Kurapika & Pairo (Hunter X Hunter), Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight, Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer & Kurapika, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 37





	1. Sinclair

Ever since he was a kid, there was something about cities that Leorio had always loved. He didn’t know if it was how busy it was or skyscrapers or blinding lights all around him or even if it was all of the above. What he did know is that he had never romanticized the thought of having to share a small, musty apartment with a total stranger who he hadn’t met yet because it was the only thing he could afford as a broke med student, holding only a suitcase and a phone. 

Leorio sighed and glanced at his watch. _Twenty minutes_ _.._ _. This_ _Zepile dude_ _is twenty minutes late!_ He clicked his tongue in annoyance and paced in front of the door while muttering to himself. 

“Um, excuse me!” The man jumped at the sound of a high-pitched voice. He turned towards it and saw a young boy with dark hair that stuck up all over and curious amber eyes that peered up at him. Behind him stood a paler boy with fluffy white hair and blue eyes; he stared at Leorio with less curiousity and more caution. 

“Ah, um,” Leorio rubbed the back of his head in awkwardness. “Yes?” 

“Are you Leorio?” the dark-haired boy asked loudly. Leorio blinked slowly before responding. 

“Y-yeah. That’s me.” The dark-haired grinned toothily. He held his hand out towards Leorio. 

“I’m Gon! And this is my best friend Killua!” he exclaimed. The paler boy named Killua blushed and pouted at the noisy declaration. “Our friend lives here, but he said he’s really busy right now, so he can’t come at the moment!” Leorio inwardly groaned. _Just my fucking luck._

“Fu- O-oh okay.” Leorio stumbled trying to limit his cursing around kids. “Did he say when he would be back?” Gon shook his head vigorously and Leorio could feel his day get worse and worse by the minute. 

“Not for a while probably.” Killua said. _Fuck. “_ He did give us his spare key though.” _Fuck YES. “_ We crash all here all the time, so you m ight as well get used to it now .” _Fuck._ Killua shoved his fingers into his pockets and fished out a small golden key. He then unlocked the door and kicked it open, hard enough so that it hit the wall behind it with a bang. 

“Hey! You can’t just go and do that to-” 

“Okay Gon, let’s go in. You too I guess Loradio.” The two small boys jogged into the apartment leaving Leorio slack jawed. 

“It’s Leorio, you little brat.” he grumbled following them in and slamming the door behind him. 

“You’ll like it a lot Leorio! It’s super cool in here!” Gon beamed practically jumping up and down. “He even has a JoyStation Console which is like, impossible to get nowadays!” Leorio looked around and took in his surroundings; it was small and clean and the wall next to the gaming console had a bunch of encased vintage posters; LED lights decorated the edges and tops of walls. Leorio spotted a beer fridge in the kitchen and did a mental celebration. _Maybe being in an apartment with a stranger wasn’t such a bad idea_ _after all_ _._ He snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of static and an anchorwoman on the television. He wondered why Gon and Killua didn’t change the channel until he sees the headline and three pictures of different people. 

_Two_ _people_ _found dead in_ _subway._

Leorio swallowed thickly; he grew up in an impoverished area where crime rates were high, but he would never be able to get used to things like that. He looked down at Gon and Killua, ready to make them feel safer and better about the grim situation. However, the two looked a little less than bothered and more excited. 

“Do you think it’s the same guy as last month?” Gon asked. Leorio blinked with his mouth agape. 

“Huh?” 

“Dummy,” Killua spat, opening a can of soda. “We won’t be able to tell until they disclose the signature.” Gon nodded in agreement. Leorio’s mouth hung even more open. Gon saw Leorio’s shocked expression and laughed. 

“Aw, it’s okay! They don't go after random people, so you’ll be okay!” Gon reassured smiling wide. 

“Yeah, thanks.” Leorio said offering a weak smile. _First day in the city, and there’s a serial killer. Great!_

Killua and Gon were unperturbed and turned on the JoyStation Console while racing for the controllers. “Hey stop Killua! You always get the cooler one! Oh, Leorio!” Leorio raised his head up. “You wanna take turns? Only two are charged.” Leorio put his hands up to reject the offer. 

“Nah, it’s okay.” he replied. “I’m gonna take a break, and you guys can have it all to yourself.” Gon and Killua looked towards each other and grinned. 

“Thanks old man! Also, Zepile said you can put your bags wherever!” Killua called out to him while pressing multiple buttons on his controller. 

“Ah, thanks- Wait, old man?” Leorio scowled causing Killua to snigger. The man ignored the boy and carried his luggage into what seemed to be a bedroom and set it down against the bed. He looked at one of lengthy windows that wasn't blocked by the air condition and decided to go crawl out of it to check out the fire escape balcony. When he did, a nippy gust hit his face; the February air was colder than he remembered. Across from his place, he saw other people’s apartments and how each of them had different colored curtain. The dirty brick was stained with dull colors and the metal stairs that connected balcony to balcony were rusting. Rubber coated wires hung down the walls like ivy and almost every other window he spotted had AC units. When he looked to the left, he saw more brick, and when he looked right, he could see the bustling streets and tall buildings. 

It was nothing like his hometown, yet he felt the utmost nostalgia. Leorio closed his eyes and imagined the scent of plain dust and baked bread from back home. He imagined his late best friend Pietro, or at least tried to. It had been so long since Leorio had even seen a picture of his friend, that his face was starting to become a figment of smudged ink. He felt a shiver go down his body and suppressed the negative thoughts. _Pietro would’ve loved the cit_ _-_ The sensation of hot specks hitting his wrist ripped him out of his melancholic thoughts as he instantly recoiled and wiped them away. 

“What the hell?” he yelped looking around. When he looked up, he saw a lithe figure on the story above him propped up backwards against the railing. The person had their face towards the sky with a cigarette snug between their index and middle finger, their back arched in an oddly graceful position like a Renaissance sculpture; their oversized, see-through button up showed off their thin frame through its contrast of papery, cream cloth and shadows. If he wasn’t so pissed, Leorio would’ve called the sight almost breathtaking, but he didn’t so he coughed loudly to get their attention. At the sound of his voice, the stranger glanced downwards and stood up straighter. 

“Hm?” They didn’t seem too concerned. 

Leorio took a deep breath before he completely lost to his bad day. _Stay calm stay calm stay calm._ He pointed to the cigarette and then to the minute reddening, burns on his wrist. “Um, your uh, cigarette kinda cooked my skin.” The person remained quiet and then after a while, made their way down the stairs to where Leorio was at after stepping out the cigarette, and in a few moments, the person was face to face with him. 

_What a sight._

“Look um, it’s not like I have a problem with you smoking, but uh, um,” Leorio was having trouble finding words as the person walked closer to him without a word. Blonde hair reaching a little past the shoulders and overgrown bangs, grayed sunglasses, face and joints ending in sharp edges; Leorio was finding it hard to focus on the reprimanding on not the little details of their body. _Focus_ _Leorio_ _, shit._ “Just be careful when you smoke okay? So, you don’t like, I don’t know, burn me?” _I sound so stupid, good lord._

His thoughts must’ve been heard or at least agreed with, because the blond puffed their cheek in an attempt to not laugh. Leorio felt his cheeks heat up in frustration and embarrassment. The blonde looked up at him and gave him a small smile that made his gut do a small flip. 

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just I’m not used to people being out when I am. I didn’t know Zepile’s roommate was moving in today. I apologize.” Leorio was taken aback by the formal apology and the sincerity in their voice. 

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Just,” Leorio looked at the individual in front of him; even smaller up close. The stranger didn’t even reach his shoulders and their oversized shirt exposed hollowed out collarbones. The dark-haired man had to pry his eyes away from the sight. “You shouldn’t smoke! It’s bad!” he sputtered. The person widened their eyes in surprise, and as Leorio started blushing worse, they covered their mouth to muffle more laughter. “H-hey! I’m serious, I’m gonna be a doctor.” Their shoulders started shaking harder. “Stop laughing!” 

“Ah, I’m sorry.” they replied calming down. There was a hint of playfulness in their voice that lingered still. Leorio didn’t know how to feel about it. “Thank you, doctor _._ I do appreciate the health expertise.” The tips of the man’s ears grew warm at being called doctor, even if it was sarcastic. “Anyways, what’s your name?” 

Leorio turned towards them and held out a hand and smiled. “I’m Leorio. Leorio Paladiknight. And you?” The blonde took his hand and shook firmly with a grip Leorio wasn’t expecting. 

“Kurapika.” Pause. “Just Kurapika.” Leorio opened his mouth in nosiness, but quickly shut it again, careful not to ruin the potential friendship so quickly. “So Leorio, do you like it here?” 

“Um,” _Do I?_ “It’ll take some getting used to, but that’ll happen in no time. There’s plenty of things that-” 

“Leorio!” Killua had threw the window open with a thud. Leorio jumped at the sudden noise causing Kurapika to laugh at him once more. _Dammit, I’m sick of_ _this_ _kid!_

“Yeah? What is it?” 

“I ordered pizza. It’s on my card so don’t worry. Hope you’re not allergic to anything because I put a ton of shit on it!” Killua looked over and his eyes instantly lit up when he saw Kurapika. “Kurapika! What’re you doing with this old geezer?” Leorio let out a loud noise of offense and Kurapika barely paid mind to Killua’s blatancy as if he were used to it. 

“I was smoking up at my place and got ash on him. I came down to apologize.” The white-haired boy nodded in understanding. He then shifted his eyes to the ground in a mopey manner. 

“You shouldn’t smoke anymore.” Killua mumbled. Kurapika cast the young boy an apologetic look, and the young boy’s head jerked back up in mock annoyance. “I know, I know. You don’t need to tell me again.” he murmured. “Do you wanna join us for dinner? Pizza’s great! Just don’t shit yourself or whatever.” Kurapika chuckled at the boy’s brash remarks. 

“Oh, no thank you. I have something planned, don’t worry. I appreciate the offer though.” Kurapika took his phone out of his pants pocket and then dropped it back in. “I should get going. See you guys around.” The blonde gave a small wave and a friendly smile before heading back up the stairs; it had a hint of sadness to it that pulled at Leorio’s heart strings. Killua let out a sigh. 

“That guy. I swear to god. Never taking care of himself as always."

Leorio looked up to where Kurapika once was and remembered how sad his smile seemed. He let out a puff of air to watch it condense in the February cold to mimic Kurapika’s cigarette smoke. Trying not to dwell on the mystery man he had just met, Leorio turned around and climbed back inside. 

Gon was on the JoyStation playing a fighting game; his body jerked aggressively as if trying to mimic the characters on the screen. Killua quickly joined him after one round and mirrored the other boy’s movements. The man slumped on the couch behind them and watched them continuously spam buttons and yell out specialty moves before delivering them. They were constantly trying to throw each other off by covering each other’s eyes and exchanging punches. Despite them being a pain in his ass, Leorio had to admit that they weren’t bad company. Around twenty minutes later, the pizza arrived, Leorio left a tip for the driver, and set the pizza on the kitchen counter. Gon and Killua excitedly paused their game and grabbed four thick slices each. Leorio grabbed two just in case his roommate would want leftovers later. 

“How is it Leorio?” Gon asked with his cheeks stuffed. “Pretty good right?” Leorio gave him a faint thumbs up and a fake smile because truth be told, it wasn’t terrible, but he could already feel it in the pit of his stomach. What he couldn’t stomach even more than the gluttonous pizza was the melancholy in the stranger’s smile as he said see you later. 


	2. The Sparrow Hawk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you can't tell, this has heavily implied themes from the story "Demian." It's mostly implied in the chapter names though lolololol. Thanks for reading! <3

“Order for... hm, I wonder?” A man with messy, cerise hair and mischievous eyes leaned lazily against Kurapika’s door frame with a grocery bag full of goods in his hand. His lips were turned up into a smile that was looking for trouble. 

“Hisoka.” Kurapika greeted monotonously from his seat, not bothering to look up from his papers. 

“Oh please, we’ve known each other this long, and you still insist on acting cold.” The red-haired man set the bag onto the kitchen table and crossed his legs high as he sat in one of the chairs. “I brought what you asked for,” Hisoka scrunched his nose in slight disgust. “Including those cancer sticks you seem to enjoy so much.” 

Kurapika glimpsed up at the other man in exasperation and pulled a tube out of its pack. “These _cancer sticks_ help me focus.” He grabbed his lighter out of his pocket and lit the end of the cigarette and placed it between his lips. Hisoka watched him with charmed eyes and a smirk. 

“You know,” the man thought aloud. “If I didn’t know that you were killing yourself with these worthless pieces of paper, I would’ve thought you looked lovely.” Kurapika rolled his eyes and examined his pile of papers once more not showing any interest in what the red-haired man had to say about his bad habits. 

Hisoka lifted the tip of the blonde’s chin with his fingertip. “But then again,” His amber eyes peered into the other’s grays with an odd sense of wonder. “I guess that’s what makes a work of art all the more poetic.” Kurapika’s expression didn’t change from its stoniness despite the provocative gesture. 

“I wonder.” Kurapika spoke toneless. He turned his attention back to his endless amounts of documents in his hand. “I’m glad you’re finding artistry in my nicotine addiction.” 

“Oh dear! I never said that! You also have a beautiful face.” Hisoka laughed. Kurapika cast him a steely glare and tapped some ashes into his ashtray. 

“If you have nothing else to do but tease me, you should leave.” 

“Ah, yes sorry. Forgive me.” He stood up from his chair and walked over to the coffee pot on the counter. As he inspected the glass and took a whiff of it, he made another face of distaste. “If you can’t take care of yourself properly, at least wash your dishes. Sheesh, when’s the last time it was cleaned?” 

“Um,” Kurapika blinked up at Hisoka in thought. “I’m honestly not sure. Maybe, two weeks ago?” 

“Oh god, please. The next time I come over, please have at least this cleaned.” Hisoka grimaced. The blonde huffed through his nose in irritation and slumped his head back. 

“Clean it yourself, since you want to so badly.” he rebutted tiredly. Kurapika set the sheets of paper onto to the tabletop and ran his fingers through his hair. Hisoka eyed the boy’s studded digits and watched as he sucked in the toxicity of the cigarette placed neatly in his opposite hand. His silky tresses were spilling over the top rail of the chair like a waterfall, and his long lashes fluttered as his eyes quivered ever so slightly. _You truly are a sight to behold._ The tall man set the stained coffee pot into the sink and turned the faucet on , his eyes never leaving Kurapika . _T_ _oo bad you'_ _re wasting you_ _r_ _life on_ _someone who wouldn’t stop to appreciate_ _._ Hisoka sighed and began scrubbing the glass with soap. 

“So, are you seeing anyone special?” Hisoka asked in a mockingly innocent voice in an attempt to make conversation. 

“No.” Kurapika responded icily and quick. Realizing the harshness of his response, the blonde breathed in and out and closed his eyes. “No. I’m not.” Hisoka mused over at him. 

_Still not over it, huh_ _._

The red-head bit back the taunting response. “Well, if you’re ever lonely-” 

“Oh, shut up already, you annoying perve.” Kurapika drawled cutting him off. “Hurry up and clean my coffee pot.” Hisoka chuckled and dried the pot with a towel and set it back onto the machine. “Let’s go outside. I’m being choked in here.” 

“Hm?” 

“You heard me the first-time asshole, let’s go.” Hisoka snickered as the blonde led him through the windows onto the balcony. Kurapika pulled out another cigarette the moment the two were out there. The taller man groaned and leaned his elbows against the thin railing, chin in the palm of his hand. 

“You’re going to get cancer by twenty.” 

“I am twenty, dumbass.” 

“Then you probably have it.” Hisoka said half-teasingly earning a punch to his upper arm. Kurapika rolled his eyes for what seemed to be the fiftieth time that day and continued to smoke. 

“Don’t jinx me asshole.” Kurapika turned around and rested his backside on the balustrade and stared up at the shadowy sky. “If I did though, it wouldn’t matter anyways.” Hisoka side-glanced at the blonde and raised a brow. 

“Oh? And what makes you say that?” 

Without sparing as much as a peek at the other, Kurapika replied, “There wouldn’t be much left of me to save.” 

Hisoka eyed the man soundlessly and then finally smiled understandingly. “I see.” 

The two rested on the balcony in comfortable silence and listened to the background noise of the morning city. The red-head couldn’t stop stealing looks at the blonde; his face was pensive and pining, yet unreadable at the same time. His eyes started to water from all the fumes Kurapika exhaled, but he didn’t feel the need to leave or tell him to stop even after long, drawn out periods of time. 

“Hey.” 

Hisoka looked down at Kurapika at the sudden call of attention. 

“If I were to actually have cancer,” the smaller man said in a matter-of-fact voice. “Don’t put me in a hospital. Just let me die in my own bed and plant my ashes under a tree or something.” Hisoka swallowed back his darker thoughts and the undertones of sincerity in what the thin man was saying.

“Well, we’re not going to have to worry about that, are we now?” Hisoka grinned down at the him with fake wittiness. “If you did end up killing yourself like that, I would flush your ashes down a drain.” The blonde snorted and dropped his cigarette and stomped it out much to Hisoka’s relief. 

“You’re a real dick sometimes. Just say yes, you prick.” 

“Not with that kind of name calling. I’ll get someone’s dog to shit on them instead.” 

“I hate you.” 

“Why thank you, lovely.” 

Kurapika groaned in defeat and lifted his back off of the metal stretching out his arms. “It’s going to rain soon. The clouds look angry as hell right now.” Hisoka nodded and felt a drizzle begin to cool his skin. He opened his hand to catch some of the droplets. 

“What sorrowful weather.” he murmured under his breath. 

“Why do you say that? This type of weather is my favorite.” Kurapika held out his hand and let the raindrops hit his burnt fingertips. Hisoka watched the droplets roll down each of the rings the blonde had on and how the dim light of the pale sky reflected on each one of them. 

“Sorrowful yet beautiful if you will.” Hisoka winked at the limber man and drew his arm back to his pockets. _It reminds me of you._

“There you go with your poetry again.” Kurapika huffed. 

“Damn, it’s raining already?” Kurapika seemed to perk at the new voice which got Hisoka’s full attention. They both looked down and saw a tall man with glasses and black hair. His face was pouty like a child who didn’t get their afternoon nap. 

“Who’s this?” Hisoka asked playfully. 

“Leorio. He’s Zepile’s new roommate.” Kurapika said monotonously. The sly man hummed in acknowledgement. 

“Ah, the med student.” Hisoka noticed the way Kurapika’s eyes lit up, even though the blonde didn’t show any sort of happiness on the rest of his face, and smirked. “Is this a new boy toy?” 

“Oh my god, shut up please.” Kurapika mumbled shoving Hisoka in the side. “He’s nice and handsome, I guess. Not my type.” The red-head looked Leorio up and down; tall, broad, dark-haired, strong. Look-wise, he was very much Kurapika’s type. 

_Yeah right._ Hisoka shot Kurapika a look of disbelief. 

The man with glasses looked up and widened his eyes. He smiled brightly up at Kurapika and waved. 

“Hi! Not so great of a morning, huh?” he yelled a little too loudly. 

_So maybe he isn’t your type_ _afterall_ _._ To Hisoka’s shock, he found the stoic blonde smile back at this man, who was basically a stranger, with warmth. 

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.” Kurapika replied with a small laugh, even more to Hisoka’s shock. His surprise soon faded into smugness. _I can_ _’t even_ _see how he’s anything like him though._

The rain started to pick up pace, and Leorio scowled as he took off his glasses and wiped the water off. Kurapika watched him with a hint of fondness that he himself didn’t realize he had. Hisoka looked a little too smug for his own good at the scene. 

“I think I’m going to head back to my place _blondie._ ” Hisoka droned foxily. Kurapika cringed at the nickname, and Hisoka offered him a small wink. “Have fun darling.” he whispered slowly before exiting the balcony. 

Hisoka stopped in his footsteps and looked through the window at Kurapika’s glowing face. The bright-haired man felt a wave of pity wash through him. He grabbed the blonde’s paperwork off of the table and set it on one of the shelves of the book shelf. 

_For your sake, forget about the man that doesn’t give a shit about you._

*** 

“Who was your friend? He, uh, seemed cool. Yeah, cool. I like his hair? Yeah! It was a nice red.” Leorio stammered. Kurapika smiled at the other’s trouble of describing Hisoka. 

“You could say that.” The blonde caught the blush on the tall man’s cheeks and how his shoulders hunched up in nervousness. “Hisoka is... interesting to say the least.” 

“Hisoka... Yeah that name fits him. He’s like snake-like, you know?” Kurapika covered his mouth to muffle his cackling. Leorio jumped and realized that what he said was a direct insult. “Fuck! I’m so sorry! Oh god, already-” 

“He is!” Kurapika giggled. “He’s a bastard, for sure!” The man with glasses felt the heat in his cheekbones grow even hotter, but at the same time he felt relief that he didn’t offend the pretty boy. Kurapika thought back to his now clean coffee pot and then realized how soaking wet he was from the downpour. “Would you like to come in for coffee?” 

“S-sorry?” 

“Coffee. Would you like some coffee?” Leorio nodded vigorously and climbed up the fire escape stairs rapidly. The smaller man took in his looks; Leorio was a very good-looking man with wide shoulders and a small waist, like Hisoka but more buff and less ripped. He had caring brown eyes and while drenched in water, he looked like a wet dream. Kurapika shook the thought off and led Leorio to the interior of his apartment. 

“Oh man, I’m sorry, I’m literally dripping.” 

“I’ll get a towel. Feel free to sit at the table.” Kurapika heard his flat tone waver and hoped that his guest didn’t notice as he walked into the bathroom and grabbed two bath towels from the rack. When he got back into the kitchen, he saw Leorio prodding at the ash tray that was placed in the middle of the table. He watched the man’s long fingers run along the rigid edges and flick at the dust piles in it. The dark-haired man looked in Kurapika’s directions and beamed. 

“Thanks! Sorry for leaving a puddle in here!” 

“Oh, don’t mind it. There’s been worse in this place.” Kurapika reassured. 

“Hm? Like what?” Leorio asked innocently. 

_Blood, semen, feces, piss-_

“R-rotten milk.” 

“Haha! That’s definitely way worse!” Leorio snickered relaxing in his chair. The blonde shot him a tired, relieved smile and started making coffee. The sound of rain was rhythmic and soothing, and the muted light of the candles and his kitchen seemed to add to the tranquility of it all. He peeped at Leorio who had found interest in the nearby wooden, stacked bookshelf and was now standing up and skimming a book with a red cover; his face was lost in thought and curiosity. His towel was resting around his neck, and his hair was damp and messy in contrast to how it was gelled up the last time they talked. 

It felt too domestic, too familiar, yet too distant from Kurapika. 

Kurapika felt a strange feeling in the back of his throat and swallowed it back down. He poured two cups of coffee and brought it over to Leorio who was still standing and invested in his story. 

“Oh! Thank you!” The tall man set his book back in place and took one of the cups from the blonde’s hands. “You have quite the set of books. Where’d you even get them from?” Kurapika froze at the question and then tried his best to loosen up. 

“They were a gift.” he answered mustering a smile. “From an old friend of mine.” Leorio nodded in understanding and sat back down in his chair. 

“That’s nice of them!” the man replied carefree. Kurapika felt his fingers fidget at the hem of his long blouse. 

“Yeah, yeah it is.” 

Kurapika took a seat next to Leorio and almost reached for a cigarette in his pocket, but ended up not doing so. He ignored the urges by sipping away at his coffee and listening to Leorio ramble on about medical school and how expensive and difficult it was. Despite the complaints, Leorio looked so invested and childlike about his aspirations in his future. Kurapika couldn’t help but smile and the man’s antics and motions. 

His cravings were slowly subsiding just by talking to a man he barely knew. 

_But he’s not him._

For a split second, Leorio’s figure was replaced with one that was close and intimate and painful to his heart. He felt something strong seize his heart strings and tug. While the body faded away, the strangling feelings stayed. Kurapika felt his knuckles clench until they ached.

The dark-haired man didn't notice Kurapika's discomfort and continued to babble on and on. His voice faded in and out of the blonde's ears to the point where it drove him slightly mad. He suddenly stood up and Leorio's speech came to a halt; he was clearly taken aback at the sudden movement.

“I’m sorry. There are just some important things I have to attend to that I forgot about.” Kurapika turned his back towards the man as he spoke curtly. “You can give the towel back to me later. See you later?” 

“Y-yeah. See you later.” Kurapika noticed the disappointment and confusion in Leorio’s voice, but refused to look at the man. After hearing that the tall man was gone, the blonde started smoking again and lazily flumped into a chair. He looked over to his bookcase and narrowed his gaze when he saw a picture frame with a dark-haired figure peeking out from behind a line of books in the bottom corner. A bitter smile came to his face as he covered the sight with wispy puffs of smoke. 

_I just can't ever escape you can I?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listened to "Locket" by Crumb on repeat. Thank you for being patient for this. I did edit out a piece of the first chapter because I want to implement it later!! Sorry if it's slow right now!


	3. The Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leorio's bad day >:(

"I was thinking we could do this here..."

Leorio sorted through his bills like playing cards.

"And this would probably look better in this area..."

A tightness crept in his chest as he scanned the overwhelming numbers.

"And the- Hey! Hey! Earth to Leorio!" 

Leorio snapped his head up at the sound of his friend's curt voice. Ponzu looked at him with concern as she fixed her stack of papers against the café table. 

"What's wrong? You seem distracted."

"I'm sorry." he said with a nervous laugh. "I'm just a little stressed out I think." He shoved his bills into his bag and took a sip of his coffee. The frown on his friends face deepened.

"A little stressed? Leorio, that's the sixth cup of coffee I've seen you drink today." Ponzu placed a hand over his arm with a sympathetic smile. "If you need to talk, I'm down even if it's not about chemistry or outfits." Leorio offered her a meek smile and held back a sigh.

"I'm okay." _I'd rather not talk about my shitty life._ "What were you saying about the project? I'm sorry, I'll pay attention this time." The green-haired woman shook her head.

"You've been working hard. Harder than a lot of people in our group, and I'm sure that you're overwhelmed by other things as well. I have to leave soon anyways." she replied. Leorio wanted to tell her that he was fine, but relief immediately took over.

"Alright. See you later Ponzu." He watched as his friend waved goodbye, walk out into the street, and join hands with her boyfriend Pokkle who had just arrived outside of the building. Leorio couldn't help but prickle with envy as he watched the happy couple walk away until they were out of sight. His last relationship had been over a year ago, and he barely had time for flings. It wasn't that he was upset with love life, but he didn't want to be reminded of what he was missing out on especially during such a shitty time. 

A long, drawn out sigh escaped his lips as he slumped in his chair. 

"Fancy seeing you here." Leorio looked up and saw the eccentric man from Kurapika's balcony three days prior. The red-head cast him a sleek smile and brushed off his pearl-hued blazer. "May I take a seat?"

"Y-yeah I don't mind, er, um, Hisoka?" The man offered a gleeful grin as he took a seat across from Leorio.

"You remembered me! I'm honored. And you're Leorio." Hisoka placed his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his long, intertwined fingers. Leorio couldn't quite place his finger on it, but something about the man was unsettling despite his handsome appearance. It was the way his eyes gleamed with trouble every given moment perhaps.

_Maybe I shouldn't stay here that long with him._ He was about to make an excuse to get up and go someplace else, but then a certain pretty blonde popped into his mind. The blonde he wanted to learn more about. _Maybe I should just stay here for a little while longer._ Ignoring his discomfort, Leorio stayed rooted in his seat.

"So, how-"

"Are you interested in Kurapika?"

It took Leorio an embarrassingly long time to process the question.

"H-huh?" the dark-haired man exclaimed temporarily garnering temporary attention from the rest of the café. He felt his cheeks grow hot and beads of sweat form all over his body. Hisoka's smile only deepened.

"That's a yes I take it!" the man said gleefully. "Are you interested in dating? To be in love? To hookup? To-"

Leorio pushed his hands in front of Hisoka's face as a silent plea. "L-listen! I don't even know him really! He's just," He pushed his glasses up rigidly and fixed his jacket. "I just find him to be easy on the eyes! Which-"

"Which makes you want to know him more." Leorio felt both frustration and relief pile in his gut; Hisoka was even more witty than he thought.

"...Yeah."

"Did you think that I would give you that kind of knowledge?" Leorio perked up at the red-head's words. _Witty AND perceptive. Or just fucking weird._

"Well, could you?"

"Hm. I..."

Leorio straightened his spine.

"Do..."

He leaned slightly forwards over the tiny table.

"Think..."

Impatience started to itch at the curves of his brain.

"I..."

Leorio's fingers started playing with themselves subconsciously in anticipation.

"...That it would definitely be better to ask him yourself instead of through me!" Leorio felt a large percentage of his mental energy drain from his body and couldn't even get the the effort to cuss Hisoka out. The other man still seemed just as joyful as before and stood up. "Oops! I gotta go. Now, before I leave..." Hisoka reached over to Leorio, who instantly tensed at the motion, and pulled a card from behind his ear with a grin. "Be sure to play your cards right, darling. You're his type, so that should be fairly easy. Ciao!" 

Leorio watched as Hisoka strode out onto the concrete gracefully with an exasperated expression. He made a mental note to himself to avoid Hisoka as much as possible unless he truly needed something from the mysterious man; something he hoped would never happen. 

_"Be sure to play your cards right, darling. You're his type, so that should be fairly easy. Ciao!"_

_"Be sure to play your cards right, darling. You're his type, so that should be fairly easy."_

_"You're his type, so that should be fairly easy."  
_

_"You're his type."_

Leorio wasn't sure what pissed him off more; the fact that the man had ended on a pun or the fact that his words had instilled the tiny flickering hope of a chance with someone who was out of his league. He heaved a sigh and left the coffee shop to be swallowed up by the city's flood of humans. He allowed the bad thoughts that he had been distracted from to resurface to the top of his mind as he walked towards his home; the happy thoughts disappeared in a heartbeat. Too many bills to pay, need to find a job, need to find jobs, need to study, need to bring up chemistry grade, need to pay bills, need to find money for laundry, miss home too muc]] etc. Another heavy sigh left his lips as he finally reached his doorstep and entered into his apartment. 

The man was hit with the uproar of complete silence. He wished that Gon and Killua were there, uninvited and yelling their asses off playing Greed Island or Street Fighter. He wished that his roommate Zepile would hurry up and return from his project so that they could share a beer and a laugh over college. He wished that his friend Pietro could've left the hospital after a successful surgery five years ago so that they could hug and cry together. He wished he stayed longer at the café to do homework with Ponzu or even just chat a little with Hisoka. He wished anyone was there to cure his crippling unhappiness.

He slumped into his couch and pulled out the bills he had previously shoved into his bag thinking that it would take his mind off of his negative feelings. He ended up being completely wrong as he felt his gut drop lower and lower as he read each digit and dollar sign. Leorio dropped his arm and felt the papers slip out of his fingertips onto the floor. Gathering all the energy he could, he picked himself up and slowly walked outside onto his balcony. The breeze that normally would've had a positive effect did little to nothing to boost his mood. It was as if the ugliness of his current life had tuned out all the sensation outside of his body. His stomach churned with anxiety and bitterness as he wrung his fingers tightly together as if they would crumble if he let go of them.

***

"If you want more news about the missing victims, please tune in tonight at ten! This is -"

Kurapika shut his laptop as he clicked his tongue in annoyance and leaned back into his chair. He was tired of the lack of actual, useful information and honeyed voices that were kept sweet by the cash that the government dangled in their faces. He remembered his old line of work, and how it deeply disappointed him when he found out how the distributors to the people were just puppets of the wealthy. 

"I need a fucking smoke." he grunted shoving his hands into his pockets and making his way outside. Right before he pulled out his cigarettes, he glanced down, did a double take, and saw Leorio standing completely still and quiet all by his lonesome. It wasn't uncommon, but for some reason, in Kurapika's eyes, he seemed different than usual. The blonde hadn't seen the man since the three days before; their awkward parting most likely being the core reason for the lack of interaction.

Kurapika could barely catch it, but Leorio's hands were trembling and tightly wound together. An odd pit in his stomach formed, and he found himself walking down to check on the other. When he arrived, the other man's eyes were unfocused and wide, and his face was of a blank despair. He didn't even seem to notice that Kurapika had come to stand next to him.

"Leorio." No response. The tall man was clearly having an anxiety attack. Kurapika cleared his throat and again to gather the man's attention. "Leorio, it's me." Still no response. He felt a small knot of unsettlement in the back of his throat; he wasn't one to cheer someone up and give them a pep talk, but for some reason, he hated seeing the man like this. 

He placed a bony hand over Leorio's larger one. The tall man finally reacted. Not in a way that Kurapika expected at all.

His shaking eventually slowed until it stopped, but instead of a smile, he pressed his lips into a thin line as tears began falling from his eyes. The blonde's lips parted in surprise at the unexpected occurrence, and the two of them stood there for moments without uttering a single word. Finally, Leorio chuckled and wiped his eyes with his other hand.

"Hi, Kurapika. I'm s-sorry." His normally bright beam was wobbly and unsure. The tears didn't stop falling. "I'm sorry. I must look pathetic like this. I'm-"

"You don't need to be sorry." Kurapika replied. He was stunned by the softness in his own voice as he comforted the other man. "Everyone has bad days. It's okay. You'll be okay." 

_Why am I doing this? I don't even remember the last time I said those words to someone._

"It's okay, Leorio." He squeezed Leorio's hand lightly; another act that he surprised himself with. "It's okay to not be okay." 

At the words of tender consolation, Leorio started crying harder. Some of the tenderness left Kurapika after this happened due to his lack of actual interaction, but he decided to ignore it and keep his hand on Leorio's. 

"Th-thank y-you K-kurapika." he sputtered between sobs.

"Of course, Leorio. Did you want to talk about it?" Leorio quickly shook his head and Kurapika nodded continuing to mutely support him.

"I think," Kurapika looked up at the sound of his voice. Leorio had stabilized his voice and caught his breath now barely shedding tears. "I think... I don't know. What's the word for it?"

"Do you want to describe it Leorio?"

"It's like. I want someone to be here for me and help take all the stress off my shoulders." he huffed in a defeated voice. "Anyone. Even if it's that weird ass magician friend of yours, or the roommate I haven't even met yet, or the two hyper kids, or-"

"Lonely."

"Huh?"

Kurapika inhaled and made sure to carefully watch his next words. "I think you're describing loneliness Leorio." Leorio looked down at the ground silently as he watched. _Did I say the right thing?_ To his shock, Leorio let out a laugh.

"I think you're completely right." More tears fell. "I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being alone, isn't that pathetic?"

Kurapika closed his eyes and thought back in time when he felt the same. He opened his eyes and replied, "No. It's not pathetic. That's perfectly fine."

"Really?"

"Really."

More periods of just background noise passed between them until Leorio suddenly stared forwards into Kurapika's eyes.

"Can I tell you something fucking weird?" The blonde cocked his head in confusion.

"Sure?"

"Can I... Ugh! Fuck it! Listen. I'm lonely and-and sad and broke..." More tears formed and fell from the tall man. "I'm tired of feeling like this. And you always seem sad. Fuck! Why are you always so sad? Do you feel like this all the time or something? Aren't you tired? Are you fucking okay?" Kurapika's mouth dropped open soundlessly. 

"Leorio," Kurapika finally muttered. "Are you? Am I? Huh?" Leorio grabbed Kurapika's other hand in his own. 

"I think," Leorio muttered. "I think I need to go to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow yeah?" Unable to form a vocal response, Kurapika watched as Leorio climbed back into his apartment. The indentations of his hand that Leorio grabbed burned into his skin even as the tall man was gone. He stayed there for a while wondering why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! I hope you all are well! I'm going to come out with another update soon after this one :)))

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how long this is going to be haha  
> Please let me know how it is! I'm very open to criticism :)


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